Author: !stupid

Stupid Project

Me: Hi Vendor,

Do you have a resource for quoting MS Project? I don’t know anything about it, and am not sure if the server is required always, or optional, or just adds new features. I have a client who may need licenses for as many as 10 users.

Can you help?

Thanks,

Me

Vendor:Hi Team,

Please help quote below for account
000000
COMPANY NAME

Let me know if you need anything else.

Many thanks,

Vendor

Team1: Hello Me J*

See link below for more information on Licensing Project.
https://products.office.com/en-us/project/microsoft-project-licensing
Kindly advise if you need Project Standard or Project Pro

Project License Only 076-05334 Microsoft®Project 2013 Sngl OLP 1License NoLevel

Or

Project Professional License Only H30-04073
Microsoft®ProjectProfessional 2013 Sngl OLP 1License NoLevel w/1ProjectSvrCAL

–note that if the customer orders less than 5 licenses, a valid authorization number will be needed— if there is no valid re order number we could add filler sku to fulfill order of 5.

Team1

Me: Hello,

As I indicated in my first email, I know nothing about current editions of Project, so I don’t know if we need Standard, Pro, Server, Cloud, etc. and I am looking for instruction on how to select the proper version for my client. They have 10 users who will be collaborating on documents. We are open to using a cloud version if appropriate.

Thanks,

Me

Team2: Here is your cost per user/license for the cloud based. WQ00000000

Let us know if they wish to go with the perpetual license instead.

Regards,

Team2

Me: *facepalm*

Stupid Culture

Jason: Hello Name,
 
It’s Jason, the Culture Trainer at Company- just checking in to see how you’re doing.
 
Just in case you haven’t heard- I’ve got a Culture Webinar (Based Upon Tech Performance) coming up next week.  It’ll be on August 19, at 10:00am PST.  This is an ideal webinar for Operations Leadership, Service Management and CEO’s (sic) who oversee the day to day operations.
 
ExpertHR:  Techs – How Company Culture can Limit Intellectual Performance
 
Also, I recently wrote a Culture-based whitepaper- which I’ve attached.  Feel free to check this out later today.
 
I’m here to help, and if you’d like to schedule a call, just hit REPLY!
 
Hope to talk to you soon,
 
Jason Example
Certified DISC & Culture Consultant
CPBA, CPMA

Me: Unsubscribe

Jason: Well this was a personal email, so I’m not sure how to unsubscribe you.

I will ask my Marketing Department how to accommodate.

Me: Just take me off your list / address book.

Thanks

Me

Jason: Done, thank you for the heads up.

Happy to teach you how to use email, Jason!

 

Stupid Bluetooth

Live Chat: Hello
Me. Welcome to LG Electronics U.S.A. Support only. How may I provide you with excellent service today?

Live Chat: Hi Me!
Live Chat: How may I help you today?
Me: Hello. Periodically, my headset’s microphone, when paired with an iPhone, stops transmitting.
Me: I am able to hear the other party just fine, but they cannot hear me speaking.
Me: I transfer the call to the handset, then back to Bluetooth, and they can hear me again.
Me: This has only happened with this particular headset – it does not happen with my Jabra or Logitech, when paired with the same iPhone.
Live Chat: I’m so sorry to hear that Me.
Live Chat: But I’ll do my bets to help you with this.
Live Chat: Have you tried unpairing the device to your phone, and pair it back again?
Me: Several times.
Live Chat: Have you tried pairing the device to other phones to see if it will also do the same thing?
Me: Unfortunately I only have one phone.
Live Chat: I see.
Me: I have paired it with other devices, but only those that play music (PC, iPad), not using the microphone, so I can’t reliably reproduce it with another device.
Live Chat: But may I know what iPhone are you using?
Me: iPhone 5S
Live Chat: May I know what is the bluetooth version?
Me: Sorry, I’m not sure what you are asking for.
Live Chat: The bluetooth version of your iphone?
Me: https://www.apple.com/iphone-5s/specs/
Me: According to that, it is Bluetooth 4.
Live Chat: Well for this one Me for us to determine if the device is defective, we need to pair it to other device. \
Me: Okay. I have it presently paired with my MacBook Air.
Live Chat: Our bluetooth headset only supports bluetooth version 3.0.
Live Chat: HBS-750.
Live Chat: Well this could be a compatibility issue.
Live Chat: But for us to make sure its not defective, we need to pair it to other device that has 3.0 bluetooth version.
Me: Bluetooth 4.0 is backward-compatible with all other versions of Bluetooth.
Live Chat: Yes, bit not the headset since it is only 3.0.
Me: Bluetooth 4 has been out for nearly 4 years. Are you telling me this headset does not work with any phones newer than 2011?
Live Chat: Here is the specification of the device Me,
Live Chat: http://www.lg.com/us/cell-phone-accessories/lg-HBS750

<Note: This is the same page which I used to initiate the live chat session…>

Me: I see that. But Bluetooth 4 is backward compatible with Bluetooth 3. Nobody makes Bluetooth 3 phones anymore. Are you saying that this headset only works with Bluetooth 3? Notice:
Live Chat has exited the chat session.
Live Chat: I really do apologize for this.
Live Chat: But in case you device is defective, I can offer you our warranty service.
Me: Okay. How does that work?
Live Chat: Your unit has a one year limited warranty from the date of purchase. A receipt is needed to validate this. This warranty also does not cover physical, body, cosmetic or moisture damages to the unit.
Live Chat: If you paired it with other phone that has 3.0 bluetooth and it is still doing the same thing, I can offer you our replacement service.
Me: Well, that would require my finding and purchasing a 4 year old phone, which is a little more work than I’m able to put in right now.
Live Chat: No, we need the receipt for the headset.
Me: I will try to find a friend with an ancient phone to test this.
Live Chat: Actually an Android phone will do.
Live Chat: Is there anything else I could be of help?
Me: Do I have a case number or something to reference in case I have the same problem on a Bluetooth 3 phone?
Live Chat: I will document this case here under your account.
Live Chat: You just need to provide us you phone number for us to pull it up.
Me: Okay. SO that is on record as a result of this chat?
Live Chat: Yes Me.
Live Chat: Is there anything else I could be of help?
Me: No. Thank you.
Live Chat: You’re welcome Me.
Live Chat: Thank you for your time and patience. It has been a pleasure to assist you today. Should you have any further questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us again. Thank you for choosing LG Electronics. We appreciate your business. Have a great day! Notice:
Live Chat has exited the chat session.

Stupid call

Operator: “Central Station.”
Me: “Hi, This is Me returning a call from Your Boss.”
Operator: “Okay…?”
Me: …
Operator: “Did you want to speak with him?”
Me: “… yes. Yes, I would.”

 

Stupid questions

Registrar:

Hello Me,

We would like to apologize in advance for sending you this email even though you selected not to be contacted in future. Taking this into account, we understand that you may not wish to continue correspondence.

We have noticed that you are transferring your domains away. As we do appreciate you as a customer and would not like to lose your business with us, we have assigned special pricing to your account which makes you eligible to:

<<At this point Registrar inserts various promos and discounts we’re now eligible for here.>>

May we ask you to kindly describe the reason of your moving your domains from us in more details? Was there any difficulty that you faced?

We would greatly appreciate you providing as many details as possible, as this would help us resolve the issue sooner for you.

Looking forward to hearing back from you.

——————
Regards,
Elena T.
Registrar Concierge Representative

 

Me:

What domain(s) is this regarding?

Thanks,

Me

Registrar:

Dear Name,

Thank you for getting back to us!

We would like to point out that special pricing has been assigned to your Registrar account permanently, so that you can take advantage of further purchases (registrations / renewals / transfers) with Registrar with discounted price. The affected domains are domain with the .com / .net / .org / .biz / .info TLDs.

No coupon code is required, discounted price will be applied in shopping cart automatically.

Please let us know if you have further questions.

——————
Regards,
Anastasia D.
Registrar Concierge Representative

 

Me:

I suppose I could ask what domains this was regarding, you know, in case someone was trying to hijack my account or something, but I think I know what the answer would be. Maybe I should reply anyway and see if I can get additional discounts!

Stupid balance

Dear Customer,

This is a courtesy message from Example Company.

Your account 1234567 balance has dropped below $10
Your current balance is $10

To change the balance threshold for balance notifications or if you do not wish to receive email notifications from our system anymore, You may do so by logging into the control panel and disabling this feature by selecting ‘Account Settings’ from the Main Menu.

Do not reply to this email, we will not receive your message. Email our support directly if you have questions regarding this email.

Regards,

Example Company