Stupid PCI Audit

Somewhere in cyberspace, on a Wednesday afternoon:

Client: We have a PCI audit and need a clean vulnerability scan of our PCI Internal environment.
Me: When?
Client: Monday
Me: …

Stupid Vulnerability Scanner

Me: Client’s DevOps Team – can we do something about these recurring Medium and High vulnerabilities from the daily vulnerability scans?

Client’s DevOps Team: We have stopped scanning the target systems.

Stupid Invite

Manager: It’s a tight window blah blah blah we need to make sure this happens within the window.
Me: Since you are supposed to have the hardware by noon, how about we schedule a call for 1PM?
Manager: Yeah that makes sense. Who should I invite?
Me: Please invite Invitee.
Manager: Sent.
Invitee: I haven’t got it
Manager: Oh I invited everyone except you, Invitee.

Stupid eBook

You have been transferred to the Customer Support Team. My name is CSR. Please allow me a few moments to review your information before we get started.
10:25:17 AM
Hello Me, my name is CSR. You have reached the Connect Student Chat Support line. Your case number for this interaction is 18874666. How may I help you today?
10:25:37 AM
Hi! I’m trying to access the full text of the book on my account. When I click into the link given by my instructor from our Canvas system, I get a screen that only tells me no assignments are due, but I see no option to view the actual text of the book.
10:26:19 AM
I can definitely assist you in regards with your concern. But before that, may I please have your best call back number in case we got disconnected and your school’s name?
10:26:23 AM
Some College
10:26:43 AM
10:26:49 AM
Awesome! May I also have the name of the course and section of the class please?
10:27:15 AM
Course Number – Course Name – Fall 2020 (2020F7B)
10:27:35 AM
Perfect! And the instructor for that class?
10:28:03 AM
Instructor Name
10:28:58 AM
Awesome! Hang on for a minute, just gonna take a look on that.
10:29:20 AM
Do you happen to have the email address of your instructor?
10:30:18 AM
I do not
10:30:49 AM
I see. Just to verify did you already registered to the class?
10:31:49 AM
Yes. I am logged in to the course via Canvas now. I am able to access the narrated lectures via the Connect link I was given, but not the full text.
10:32:12 AM
So, to confirm, you can now access the eBook?
10:32:27 AM
10:33:37 AM
that is why I am chatting with you.

Stupid IMAP Mailbox

Me: Hi 1, 2, and 3.

I’d like to convert On-Call from going to That Ticketing System to an IMAP account so that we can use This Ticketing System. I know one of you can make this happen for us.



1: Wait, why do you want to make this change? What’s wrong with That Ticketing System?

Me: That Ticketing System does not meet our needs. This Ticketing System does.

2: It seems like we missed an opportunity to have a discussion around enterprise standard applications.


Me: I’m happy to have a discussion and answer any questions. What questions do you have?

1: I’ve disconnected On-Call from That Ticketing System. It will no longer generate tickets.

Me: That’s great. Can 2 or 3 please give us IMAP access to the account now? Again, happy to discuss questions, but last I checked, we have no “enterprise standard” preventing us from using This Ticketing System.

<a day passes>

Me: 2, 3, So, we still have no access to On-Call. I know people are emailing it and we cannot respond.

<a day passes>

Me: Hi 2, 3, 2’s Manager, 3’s Manager, Me’s Manager,

We still have no access to On-Call. See this long email thread below.

2’s Manager: Is there a ticket for this?

3: I’ll make a ticket!

Me: Here’s all the details of the request, 2’s Manager.

<a day passes>

Me: All, we still have no access as of this morning.

3: I enabled access last week, and told 2’s Manager!

Me: … Great, we can access it in Email Client, but we still have no IMAP access to the mailbox so cannot use This Ticketing System…

Stupid VPN

H, Yesterday 3:53 PM
Hey Me. Do I need to be connected to VPN to access Share files?

Me, Yesterday 3:53 PM

H, Yesterday 3:54 PM
because it is not showing me the files

Me, Yesterday 3:54 PM
You do have to be connected to the VPN to access the S drive AKA shared files.

H, Yesterday 3:54 PM
It’s not letting me see them.
should I try connecting to VPN? or would you like to see the error?
saying network error

Me, Yesterday 3:57 PM
Hi H, you DO need to be connected to the VPN in order to access the S drive AKA shared files.
So you’ll need to connect to the VPN.
Then you should be able to see the files on the S drive.

H, Yesterday 3:58 PM
I’m confused. You just mentioned that I didn’t didn’t to be connected.
Okay, I will connect to VPN

Me, Yesterday 3:59 PM
You DO need to be connected to the VPN in order to see the S drive.

H, Yesterday 3:59 PM

Stupid Marketing Department

Client: So, I have a request from the Marketing department. A Macbook pro. How would one of those thrive in a Windows world (I have at least one Windows application that would be needed). And can you sell?

Me: I cannot. However, it will be a PITA unless you just “set it and forget it,” which is never the right answer. WHY do they think they need a Mac? If they say “it’s better for graphics” that’s BS – it’s not 1999 anymore.

Client: Because they are in the Marketing/graphics department.

Me: What specific applications do they need? Adobe CS?
“We like Macs.” That’s their justification.
Just imagine – any tools you have to manage your Windows devices – you now need another one of every single tool.
for one computer.

Client: On the mac? It´s call brightauthor…….used to publish to digital signs we have all over the place

Me: Oh BrightSign?

Client: Yes

Me: Uhhh… they make Windows software…
I wasn’t even aware that they made a Mac version…

Client: They don´t make a mac version….hence that is the one application that might stop mac from makking

Me: So Marketing wants a Mac for something that you can’t run on a Mac? Am I missing something?

Client: Nope. You got it

Me: You are welcome.

Stupid Account

3:20:17 PM : Connected to”

3:20:17 PM : System: Thank you for contacting the Mega Wireless Employment Validation Processing Center. In order to serve you better, please only provide the information necessary for employment validation. Please do not provide any income or other sensitive information such as social security number or employee number or bank account numbers.

3:20:22 PM : System: Mikki has joined this session!

3:20:22 PM : System: Connected with Mikki. Your Reference Number for this chat is XXXXXXXX.

3:20:46 PM : Mikki: Hello.

3:20:52 PM : Mikki: How is your day going, Me?

3:21:11 PM : Me: Hi. I submitted my request to register with my work email address. I received the email and clicked the link. I takes me back to a standard Mega Wireless home page with no mention of corporate discounts. I have tried on multiple computers with multiple browser

3:22:29 PM : Mikki: Thank you for that information. I would be happy to assist with your discount today. Are you the primary on the account?

3:22:37 PM : Me: There is no account yet.

3:24:29 PM : Mikki: Thank you for that information. So you do need to have a Mega account in order to validate for a discount. It seems that your work email is registered as a way to validate.

3:25:39 PM : Mikki: Are you still there?

3:25:51 PM : Me: But when I am asked to register, I am given a choice of current customer or new customer.

3:26:04 PM : Me: Why am I given a choice of being a new customer if I need to have an account already?

3:26:34 PM : Mikki: New customer are able to see if their work email is registered as a way to validate.

3:27:12 PM : Me: I do not understand.

3:28:54 PM : Mikki: The discount would need to be linked to an account to be validated for a discount. One our website, you can enter in your work email as a new customer to see if your work email address is registered as a way to validate. But because you do not have an account, it does not link to anything.

3:29:24 PM : Me: So do I use my work account, create a new account, and then go to the discount page to try to make the site know I qualify for a discount?

3:30:49 PM : Mikki: You would qualify for the discount as long as you choose a plan that can have employment discounts.

3:30:59 PM : Mikki: Discounts apply to eligible plans and features. Please note that discounts do not apply to prepaid, promotional, Verizon Plan Unlimited, data only, and already discounted plans.

3:32:00 PM : Me: You are not answering my question, but thank you for trying.